How are you today?

Last month a rather peculiar incident was witnessed by my son. He’d forgotten to sign out of his system at school, and a couple of students from next period, put some inappropriate stuff on his page. His teachers found who they were and made them apologize. So, his lesson to take home was to wrap up properly. Thanks to his teachers, this innocuous incident was dealt with firmly yet swiftly! But that has evoked many thoughts, innumerable instances that prompted some unfortunate incidents if not appropriately addressed! The vile, spiteful events that repeat every so often in the form of bullying and go unreported or unaddressed is a threat! 

Bullying, a word that needs enough highlighting to be wiped off the human dictionary! When it comes to the choices of schools, as a parent, my priority is for zero-tolerance towards bullying, not those schools that can make my children robots and Wikipedia. This bullying does not pertain just to schools or younger children. Silent suffering leads to depression and mental illness. We should nip it in the bud to eradicate it, just as we did with smallpox and polio. This thought of standing up for yourself should be sown in kids’ minds by parents, teachers, caretakers, and counselors, at the embryonic stage. In this modern era, schools play a pivotal role in this process. Pain should neither be ignored nor subdued but dealt with properly. The cognitive brain should realise the pain has disappeared totally.

Going back to my son’s middle school incident, he showed me this letter written by his seniors. I’m in awe of his teachers. I’m more in awe of these students who owned the mistake. They demonstrated the true meaning of ‘apologising.  Teachers should be passionate about the role they play in designing every kid’s life. They lay the foundation for a better tomorrow. Kids raised with self-respect and receive support to address any pain inflicted emerge as confident and more assertive adults. In this particular instance, I’m overjoyed to see how teachers channelized these students who attempt mischievous acts without realising the repercussions nor intended to hurt one child. It’s an act at the spur of the moment. There will be some unruly kids that aim and target one particular individual only because they appear vulnerable. Hence, we need to weave human relations to act as a cushion to raise a harmonious society. We need to be caring and empathetic. Schools, caretakers, and parents should act as solid anchor points. We don’t have to be perfect at everything and anything. As much as kids should be taught to accept failures, they must be trained to handle success too.

Kids who are shy and introverts when bullied and constantly shunned, are forced to believe they are born to suffer and aren’t lucky! Lucky or not, no one has the right to bully others. Everyone is equally equal. Way back in the early ’90s, my sister’s friends did a horoscopes and scientific relations project. They came up with lots of predictions; one was, “you are lucky but never happy”. I could never comprehend that until I hit adulthood. Now, when I entered the era of quadragenarian, I have realised you may be lucky and not happy. But you can choose to be happy even if not fortunate”! Self-confidence and self-respect are the DNA blocks for a healthy life. No one has the right to hurt others. The importance of social manners must be imbibed to kids too. 

Bullying has no religion, nor limited to races. We see one or two spikes when specific incidents get reported. But it’s prevalent everywhere. Google Wiki says, ” About one person in 5,000–15,000 dies by suicide every year (1.4% of all deaths), with a reported global rate of 10.7 per 100,000 population in 2015 (was 11.6 in 2008).” To curb this, we need human relations; every school needs counsellors, every citizen must act as a soldier bringing bullying down at the bud stage. I’ve been an agony aunt for many of my friends/acquaintances. But there is no human chain that keeps this going. We get busy, and we get consumed by our desires and careers.

All we need is to do, ask anyone who is quiet or appearing disconnected or who always active or anyone we see, ” how are you today?” Everyone must do their bit before bullying, or other selfish motives consume us all.

It’s okay to fail!

Patience, perseverance, and empathy!

An MBA friend of mine, who I treat as my own sister, raised this very good question on, “how to teach children to deal with disappointments and failures”! Firstly, let’s remind ourselves that failure is also an option. An unavoidable option in everyone’s life; if not now, a little later. But it better be now than later. Let that ‘now’ lay a strong foundation for a successful, happy tomorrow.

This takes me back to late 2000’s when I was referred this book on parenting, ” Super Powers to Parents ” (by Stephen Briers), by my very good friend in England. Take home point from that book was addressing on how to use praise words for our children that makes them stay focussed by registering on what actually the praise is meant for. What could imply to them their exact value we carry in our hearts and minds.


Sharing an article that’s very relevant here: https://www.irishtimes.com/news/health/emotional-intelligence-the-psychology-of-better-parenting-1.899058

“I’m proud of your ‘achievement’ ” is a better suggested method of parenting than, ” I’m proud of you” as a token of appreciation. If you are using the latter, does that imply you are NOT proud of your children when they fail at achieving a medal in a competition? Are you trying to plant seeds of success is what will make you feel proud of them? But celebrating success or an achievement is important too. In this deadly competitive world, we need to train kids to give their best. But how they fare shouldn’t set a basis of them perceiving our love!

It’s our primary responsibility to teach our children to be empathetic and responsible. If we are upset with them, it’s not with them but with their behaviour or acts that might land them in trouble. We will always love and be proud of them. It’s the deeds we are aiming at, not them as individuals.

Let’s not make them victims of instant gratification that makes it hard for them to accept a failure. I have met kids who are champions at what all they do, find a way to blame others for them not faring well. High parental push, heavy expectations, and an urge to top absolutely at everything and anything make kids look for loop holes in the system, and start either a blame game or demean others who’re vulnerable. We need to coach them to accept the fact that life is only fair if it has little ups and downs. I also come across children who are scared to accept a defeat. They are only worth their constant successes, a deep rooted emotion installed by parents. These parents assume making winning as a habit will help them in long run. On the contrary, we are raising fed-up or anxious adults, who cannot be part of any team work.

Our children should never be coerced into fulfilling our unfulfilled dreams; the worst, training them into making another mini-us because we have been successful on our chosen paths! It’s ok for them to not be praised at every instance as said by Dr Taylor in this article:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-prime/200909/parenting-dont-praise-your-children

We expect our children to top absolutely in everything that’s available around! We want their glasses to be replaced by contacts, their uneven teeth to be bound by their braces, their failures to appear as life failures, and more over, teach them that failure is ‘never’ an option! Let’s do what our children need, not what pleases others about them. Let’s not make them people pleasers for nothing. Happiness is the paramount feature at any stage of life. Life need not be impeccable. It’s only natural to be imperfect and learn from our mistakes.

Let’s not deliver and train kids as a show-off to the society! Let’s teach our children to take steps that may fail them at times, and that we are there to hold them. We are pleased, upset or proud of their deeds, but we always love them; no matter what! Let them trust us, let them know failing is a part of life. Every failure has a lesson to teach which successful may not have a chance to learn!   It’s okay to fail.

People like myself…

Eeshwar Chandra Vidyasagar smiled, “It is clear, the dinner invitation is to the clothes I am wearing and not to me. Therefore, I’m feeding them.”  – from a story, I learnt as a kid where importance is given to the appearances, not to the people or the values they hold!

In this modern, global world, keeping any future requirements in mind, some maintain a cordial relationship in the name of friendship. But do those friends value me or like me? (Maybe neither!) But this has been the most intriguing question of my life at this juncture more than ever! This dilemma doesn’t mean I have free time to create ripples in my own life, but people around me, who I assume as close, push me to my limits. I accept every challenge thrown at me and use that to build a stronger myself. But I need to remember that I’m also a mere human being. I genuinely believe in amicable parting than holding onto bitter relations for ‘courtesy’ sake. This thought is a task for me, as I truly value every association and value every person I meet. I respect them for being themselves. I don’t pigeonhole people. So, how do I get to the bottom of any relation? I only analyse to see if we have something in common to have a hearty chat. I don’t understand why people make it challenging for me to be myself?

What is myself? Like any other emotional fool (Only a similar will know what I mean), I try beyond my ability to keep everyone around me happy. My utmost priority is to make sure no one is hurt- not only by me, but by anyone, and to maintain a comfortable, positive front. But it’s hard to keep up with the folly of others, whose aim is to draw their unwanted conclusions, judging me with their little narrow minds and taking a stab at my pleasing personality.

For many, value is money; success means having a hefty bank balance! I have both but at a limited level, just about enough to spend my time contently sitting in my lounge with my family. Do what I ought to as a mother! Use that precious time in educating my children about ‘good manners, and the real values of life’. I have both the time and patience to do that.  But when my principles are labelled dated, and I still believe in them, I feel the ruffle. But I know some people are champions of my thoughts. Hence, my fight gains momentum. I’m not giving up!

Women with similar principles will go through this inherent struggle at some point in their lives. For women who can carve their careers, many factors have been in their support. For a woman, also a wife and a mother, those factors must fall in place. Else, priorities change. It’s all about priorities, not necessarily the worth of a person that alone builds a career.

For those who take my silence as an easy target to their uncontrolled klazomania, it’s my modest upbringing that’s giving people another chance to be in my life. When I respect people, I expect that back; but modern times and arrogant lifestyles make them take a stab at my principles in a way that speaks volumes of their lack of the same.

Let’s not even talk about those who speak when they want to for their benefit, leaving people like me baffled. With these encounters, most of the time, I’m a reactive specimen! I’m their friend when they include me as one. But, I supply the agony aunt in me based on the demand. My goal is to make them happy, not necessarily my involvement in the later stages of their comfortable lives.

I consider my life invaluable and highly respectable, the same way I see everyone’s. I hope people realise this before it’s too late. It’s hard to find people like myself.

Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you -read this somewhere—very interesting, and also the need of the hour.

 I do come across people like me, myself, and it’s to that gain, I’m still me, myself, though the day-to-day life is challenging. 

From Deepawali to Christmas!

Deepawali (row of diyas/clay lamps) or Diwali, marks Lord Rama entering his kingdom, Ayodhya, after killing Ravana in Treta yuga (one epoch), and also, Satyabhama (yes, woman power), wife of Lord Krishna, killing the demon Narakasura in Dwapara yuga ( another age).
In this modern epoch, Kali-yuga, this celebration reminds us to conquer the evil thoughts within us and walk from darkness towards the light, from ignorance towards seeking knowledge.   

Taking a trip down the memory lane strolling around the catholic church in our school, which was part of my everyday life once, brings beautiful memories of my childhood Christmas. Queuing up to watch Jesus’ grotto in our Headmistress’ room, that eagerness to taste those delicious cookies (minus oven then in my town) by close friends who celebrated this festival is still crisp in my mind. Not to forget that one television channel the whole nation watched with variations to regional languages. However, we all watched those famous movies of Jesus -Karuna mMyudu and Daya Mayudu around this time, filling us with empathy and sympathy.
Unity in diversity has been our mantra.

Moving to the UK, novel to me are the joyful concepts of Santa Claus and having our own Christmas tree.

The golden rule for a happy global village lies in embracing our differences whilst advocating ‘unity in diversity!’