People like myself…

Eeshwar Chandra Vidyasagar smiled, “It is clear, the dinner invitation is to the clothes I am wearing and not to me. Therefore, I’m feeding them.”  – from a story, I learnt as a kid where importance is given to the appearances, not to the people or the values they hold!

In this modern, global world, keeping any future requirements in mind, some maintain a cordial relationship in the name of friendship. But do those friends value me or like me? (Maybe neither!) But this has been the most intriguing question of my life at this juncture more than ever! This dilemma doesn’t mean I have free time to create ripples in my own life, but people around me, who I assume as close, push me to my limits. I accept every challenge thrown at me and use that to build a stronger myself. But I need to remember that I’m also a mere human being. I genuinely believe in amicable parting than holding onto bitter relations for ‘courtesy’ sake. This thought is a task for me, as I truly value every association and value every person I meet. I respect them for being themselves. I don’t pigeonhole people. So, how do I get to the bottom of any relation? I only analyse to see if we have something in common to have a hearty chat. I don’t understand why people make it challenging for me to be myself?

What is myself? Like any other emotional fool (Only a similar will know what I mean), I try beyond my ability to keep everyone around me happy. My utmost priority is to make sure no one is hurt- not only by me, but by anyone, and to maintain a comfortable, positive front. But it’s hard to keep up with the folly of others, whose aim is to draw their unwanted conclusions, judging me with their little narrow minds and taking a stab at my pleasing personality.

For many, value is money; success means having a hefty bank balance! I have both but at a limited level, just about enough to spend my time contently sitting in my lounge with my family. Do what I ought to as a mother! Use that precious time in educating my children about ‘good manners, and the real values of life’. I have both the time and patience to do that.  But when my principles are labelled dated, and I still believe in them, I feel the ruffle. But I know some people are champions of my thoughts. Hence, my fight gains momentum. I’m not giving up!

Women with similar principles will go through this inherent struggle at some point in their lives. For women who can carve their careers, many factors have been in their support. For a woman, also a wife and a mother, those factors must fall in place. Else, priorities change. It’s all about priorities, not necessarily the worth of a person that alone builds a career.

For those who take my silence as an easy target to their uncontrolled klazomania, it’s my modest upbringing that’s giving people another chance to be in my life. When I respect people, I expect that back; but modern times and arrogant lifestyles make them take a stab at my principles in a way that speaks volumes of their lack of the same.

Let’s not even talk about those who speak when they want to for their benefit, leaving people like me baffled. With these encounters, most of the time, I’m a reactive specimen! I’m their friend when they include me as one. But, I supply the agony aunt in me based on the demand. My goal is to make them happy, not necessarily my involvement in the later stages of their comfortable lives.

I consider my life invaluable and highly respectable, the same way I see everyone’s. I hope people realise this before it’s too late. It’s hard to find people like myself.

Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you -read this somewhere—very interesting, and also the need of the hour.

 I do come across people like me, myself, and it’s to that gain, I’m still me, myself, though the day-to-day life is challenging. 

From Deepawali to Christmas!

Deepawali (row of diyas/clay lamps) or Diwali, marks Lord Rama entering his kingdom, Ayodhya, after killing Ravana in Treta yuga (one epoch), and also, Satyabhama (yes, woman power), wife of Lord Krishna, killing the demon Narakasura in Dwapara yuga ( another age).
In this modern epoch, Kali-yuga, this celebration reminds us to conquer the evil thoughts within us and walk from darkness towards the light, from ignorance towards seeking knowledge.   

Taking a trip down the memory lane strolling around the catholic church in our school, which was part of my everyday life once, brings beautiful memories of my childhood Christmas. Queuing up to watch Jesus’ grotto in our Headmistress’ room, that eagerness to taste those delicious cookies (minus oven then in my town) by close friends who celebrated this festival is still crisp in my mind. Not to forget that one television channel the whole nation watched with variations to regional languages. However, we all watched those famous movies of Jesus -Karuna mMyudu and Daya Mayudu around this time, filling us with empathy and sympathy.
Unity in diversity has been our mantra.

Moving to the UK, novel to me are the joyful concepts of Santa Claus and having our own Christmas tree.

The golden rule for a happy global village lies in embracing our differences whilst advocating ‘unity in diversity!’

Saga of a Non Resident Indian (NRI)

“Be the change you want to see”- Mahatma Gandhi.

At times, change is only possible when you throw yourself  ‘out of the box’, both physically and mentally. We don’t want to be a frog in the well; instead, the frame of reference must be as comprehensive as a birds’ -eye view. From my own experience, I can say, an NRI has such a perspective. NRI here can be anyone who has travelled out of India, even on holiday. The first thing that strikes us when visiting developed countries is their lane discipline, cleanliness, and the value of life. The ultimate wonder is the transparency in the developed world makes Indian immigrants clench their fists with guilt and desperation. That one significant difference that hits us all in the face is the widespread corruption back home. But, mind you all, some Indian politicians, with families and friends, make foreign tours to see how these developed countries operate! Living in five-star hotels gives them a better view; who cares about the perspective!

One has to read ‘Marco Polo’s India’ to understand what India was before getting exploited by the world around. India was once called the Ratnagarbha- holds jewels in its core. This wealth attracted many, followed by invasions from the Mughals, the East Indian Company, the Turks, the Dutch, and many more. Divided as we can be for the power, wealth, name, and fame, the then, huge India got into bits and pieces, became a colony, lost its riches, and got exploited in every possible, unimaginable, undesired way. Then slowly emerged were the independent leaders. The most dynamic, patient, and determined leader was Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. His earnest desire to make India Independent, his thoughts of equality, unity, freedom, and leadership qualities he self-instilled while ill-treated in South Africa. The discrimination he’d faced made him concentrate his strengths and abilities to set India free. Subhash Chandra Bose, a radical freedom fighter, had travelled abroad, and that set him a vision same as Gandhi but a different modus operandi. Same with another leader Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel (whose recently unvelied statue is 182-meter world’s tallest). He went to England to earn a degree. Jawaharlal Nehru, Rabindranath Tagore, Sarojini Naidu are no different. The Maharaja institutes in my hometown, Vizianagaram, where I have earned my college degrees, were believed to be built, inspired by Cambridge, UK. Then there was another league of freedom fighters who lived all their lives in the villages they were born in, inspiring and fighting for their people and freedom till they were assassinated or hanged. But my points of reference, for now, are the former, who gained a different perspective because they had a different vision of the world around India. That triggered patriotism as a passion, as a need, as an immediate desire.

India became independent from the British, but not from its quagmire of greed, selfishness, social inequalities, and the fear of being suppressed by the strong. All these led to the rich becoming richer and the poor becoming poorer, with the percentage of the latter growing exponentially. Pakistan, Bangladesh getting separated from India at the time of gaining Independence also added religious factors to the many existing disparities.

India has a history of a few thousand years! It has a vast culture ranging from Vedas to a marriage system to a hierarchical structure that attracted civilizations. Education, once a privilege to only the rich, became a need for everyone after Independence. With the inception of the internet and globalisation, pursuing higher education in the west and being part of western R&D has become affordable by many. Indian companies welcomed these graduates with more tremendous respect. People who struggled to fight against corruption and inequality while in India started loving the fair and justice system in the West. The mass brain drain immigration explains the nomenclature NRI, Non-Resident Indian.

NRI is a fascinating term for many in India. Being an NRI has not been as easy as it sounds today. The concept is nothing different in 2018, either. The acceptance levels have increased across; Indians became part of western society. But the first experience of leaving India behind, the family & friends, the soil, the emotions are challenging to tackle, let alone the culture shock in the foreign place.

NRIs carry a distinct sense of responsibility along with carrying the the India tag throughout, unknowingly.  I, being one, adorn patriotism to my thoughts, deeds and actions. From a distance, India appears very different now. I can see potential India has.  India is curbed again, but this time by her citizens- most of whom lack a vision, and are powerful and selfish. I can see the struggle of an ordinary person who strives to lead a simple life despite the factors pulling him/her towards corruption and dishonesty. On the top of my list are who chose to live in their homeland bearing the deficiencies, perhaps seeking opportunity to set things right.

Along with my family, I invest our efforts into understanding the local communities, getting into the groove, and having warm acceptance levels.  We enjoy the smiles that greet us every day. NRIs (most of us) act very responsibly in their foreign land. In this process, I have developed an invisible, affectionate bond with my foreign lands. Simultaneously, I have realised the admiration I have for India. We are part of a global community aspiring for peace and harmony across.

One cannot separate NRIs from their motherland. It’s their birthright!

Happy ‘Fry’day!

Let’s relish these flavours from India!

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Never tried cabbage before? You will not regret trying this, and can’t help but fall in love with cabbage.

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Cone dosa, a savoury crepe made with rice and lentils, is my son’s favourite.

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Poori, a deep fried flat bread, made with wheat flour can be relished any time!

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Tindora/Dondakaay, (Coccinia grandis, the ivy gourd) melts in mouth when deep fried!

Let this be a happy ‘Fry’day!

Not thorns, but my roses…

The drizzle and the petrichor that comes with it brings back memories of my home; the aromas of those delicious savouries that my mum made; the big banyan tree that used to be the view from my room; a flock of birds that drew patterns high in the sky while on their way home, chirping; my friends and my cousins who I grew up with; my school, and those bike rides back home from school with wet back-packs, uniforms, and shoes after heavy lashes of rain; all are making me emotive—having come a long way since, I miss enjoying those simple pleasures day to day.

That nostalgic knot of the heart feeling with flashbacks flashing by rapidly listening to certain cult songs that defined the way I grew up; those moments that my memories are in constant touch with but cannot be re-lived; those slippery relations certain people, who can change as fast as seasons, bring;  those amusements in adapting to life’s new needs; living in the present focussing just on immediate future is a defiant task for me. All I am not missing now are those selfish backstabbers.

Dreams are unlimited, so are the factors that determine fate. Talking about fate, I am still unclear if fate decides the destiny or the destiny guiding the fate! Leading a caring and disciplined life coupled with principles doesn’t guarantee a safe route to happiness. The world around me can only get me to the best of ‘its’ capability.

Being religious doesn’t mean one can have a blessed and blissful life. Religion is for those who can’t follow humanism by default. Being pious, at times, is a sign of helplessness.  So, what makes us believe in supernatural powers or any form of God? Is it the strength that we establish elsewhere seeking contentment in being taken care of? For me,  right from the a-cellular to multicellular, invertebrates to vertebrates, atomic structure to the solar system, everything looks miraculous. A theory beyond science; a power that creates or destroys us. That power in which  I believe. I love taking credits for my happiness and blaming an unknown target for my failures. I believe that power strengthens me to bounce back. I’m in search of that power; I’m in search to find answers for many of my solutions!

Criticism isn’t a metric to measure worthiness; same with compliments. People don’t necessarily categorise one’s deeds. It’s the person they analyse; it’s their relevance they define, not the righteousness. Smart people change with their experiences, but does that not mean we have given a right to our bad influences the power to change our core? So, what can be a repose to simple, innocent lives? HOPE! Hope keeps one alive; hope is the oxygen for our survival. Don’t we all live in hope? Hope will not let you fail.  “I am grateful for thorns to have roses.” Not everyone can have just the roses. There are many scars that thorns gave me. Yet, I also have a bouquet of roses in my life garden.

All that I want to cherish are those multi-coloured helping hands across the countries!

I have heard many say, every cloud has a silver lining. Yes, there will always be many.